Wednesday

An Angel Sent in Blogworld

Many of you have known..or have read through the course of my blog or on FB that I am in the midst of
a divorce.  It is a long overdue one and unfortunately there are 2 children involved.
(I can't believe that I am writing all this!)
So.... for all of Cricket's getaways to Florida...the reasoning behind it was because I have to get out of the
area I am in.  I never liked it here..it is "his" hometown.  I have his ex's and his other children to contend with.
And is relentless forever interfering family. To make matters worse he has sabotaged my all of my friendships.  So I am left with no one here. None of my family lives in the Northeast. And I have been lost. If it weren't for my job....I don't think I would have survived. Now that too I am going to lose because I can't stay in this area. I cannot deal with the "running" into people, seeing stuff I don't want to see...and I am a Gypsea Mermaid...and I need my water. Not snow. It is also a double edged sword because I don't want to be married, but I cannot handle seeing him with someone else.  And this past trip in Florida. While I was gone...Not only did he renig on his agreement to let me take the kids out of state...I JUST SIGNED THE CONTRACTS for the condo this trip! I find out that he brought his "girlfriend" (one I did not know about)
to my house..to see my kids... and his comment was...
"I wanted to see if they liked her."
I no longer have the emotional capability, mental or financial to play war in the courts with him.
I am beaten down.
Yesterday I thought my life was over, I couldn't stop crying...I saw red. Literally. I could not believe he could really stoop that low. Yes..I will admit, I have done some shitty things in this marriage. There is NO doubt about that. But I did not..ruin friendships, try to ruin his career, or leave him ever alone in  hospital like he did me..(if you remember my spinal surgery) Yes... he went to work that day.  I had to have a friend from High School take me. 
Now yesterday I had to take an excruciating exam, a Functional capability one that took a few hours and wrecked havoc on my spine.  But I needed to to be able to return to work.  And my mind is churning..I am losing my kids, my home, my job....I was scared, and I was tired. I was 2 seconds away from saying you know what...? I do NOT want this life anymore. And the wheels started to turn into dark horrible places...
I just couldn't stop them. The pain is overwhelming... everywhere I turned I imagined this pig he brought into a place that was once a home...I thought about my kids sitting with her..I thought about how he is out with MY ex best friend... I just wanted out.
Maybe crash the car..I don't know... I was beyond a point of rational. I wanted the HURT GONE!
I opened the door.
Nearly tripped and busted my back up again.
Why?
Because there is a GOD.
I am not a Holy roller...
Nor do I or will I preach to you about what you should believe in.
I know what I do..and right now that is all that matters.
So of course I need to bring this in.
I was not expecting anything.
I open it up.

I start reading the card.

Tears..
Is there a stronger word for them?
A down pour.
I didn't know what to think anymore.... I have been told for 14 years how horrible and useless I am.
I am nothing. I am selfish. A liar. A bitch.
And I am now reading this card that starts with:
"I just wanted to say thank you for your friendship and support and honesty.
You have such a free spirit that I admire and I know that you can overcome the bad that has been hovering over you...."
When I tell you... I looked up..and said...Dear God...how? how did you know to do this? How did you know to send this angel to me?
The card went on and on.
This person told me that when she saw this:
That she thought of me. And that she "hopes and pray that it leads you to your dreams and of course that pirate that is drifting out at sea waiting for you!:) ....keep it close and never let go of your dreams..."
I am crying now.
I still hurt,the pain is still as bad.... 
But this person...never met me. 
No. 
Not once.
She is a fellow blogger.
Well... you saw how large that box was, so it didn't just hold a stone and compass.
It also had this wrapped inside:

Now you know I nearly died....
This beautiful person wrote:
" I also wanted you to have this mermaid. I have had her for a while but sadly she sits alone where no one can see her beauty...I know that she would be happier in a new place, perhaps in Florida where she is closer to home."
I was shaking beyond belief.
My world moments before was about to end.  I wanted it to end. Because I have been conditioned to believe I was and am nothing. That no one loves me or ever will. That my kids will be taken away.
On top of that being a Psych Nurse, I was also fully aware that my thoughts were erratic... irrational,
dark and fearsome. I was not in a stable nor normal state of mind. And yes...that "husband" may see this.. and say.."look I will use this against you in court!" sadly.... he will fight a wall.
I will not participate.
But here...
This woman who I absolutely adore.
Her talent, her humor, HER honesty.... who we would both occasionally send private emails to..just looking out for one another...
That she took the time...actually was "THINKING" about me....
And from across the country literally saved me.
I never thought in a million years I would ever "really" find happiness again.. or friendship. My walls are built, my trust is gone. 
And through this computer...this blog..another thing I am yelled at for and ridiculed at home for..
Is the one thing that brought me to the things I thought were lost forever.
I hope she forgives me.
Because I am writing this post first before I even let her know that I received her gift.
I couldn't at the time.
I was too overwhelmed.
But I will tell you...
If you are not familiar..or have never seen her blog.
YOU MUST!
Not because of what she did for me.
But because of who SHE is...
What SHE is about...
Her talent and quirkiness...
The way she'll make you oohh and ahhhh..
And smile.
Michelle from Emerald Cove
She is a godsend..a beautiful person inside and out.
And you will not be disappointed in reading her posts.
And Michelle....
Thank you is not nor ever will be enough for what you did...
And the timing.
You are an angel.
As you said to me:
Peace, Love and Hugs...
I wish that tenfold for you.
If I could pick a sister, a best friend in life...
It would be you.
I love ya girl....
Now this Mermaid really is underwater with tears...
This time of faith and happiness.
xoxox
Cricket
PS: does the compass come with directions to Pirate land?;)
Also linking up with Sarah's Good Life Wednesday's
Because I think this pretty much takes the cake!

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