Late at night...this is just something I had to throw out there...
Something that had to be done.
This has been playing on my mind...along with all the other stressors in my life.
So which one is it?
What do I do?
Will I make it?
I am scared.
I am alone.
I cannot trust.
For why should I?
I cannot take on another endeavor where I am
the savior..
Or the "one who puts it all together"
I need to be me.
I want someone to
TAKE CARE OF ME!
just once.
No worries.
No drama.
Just be.
I have no tolerance for certain things.
I can't be kept in the dark.
At even when promised I am not...
I feel the shadows lurking.
Love...
Trust...
Hate...
Such strong words.
Unfortunately we cannot live without some.
I threw this out here...
Because I have no where, no one else to
throw it to.
If I did,
they would only want something in return.
I can't.
I won't
I bid adieu....
xoxox
Cricket
Sometimes I do better putting words to photos..
So here is what I did tonight.
I suppose this is true..
Sleep well mermaids...
Oh sweet mermaid friend. I feel your love and your fear. I recognize it all in me! I am a little further down the road from the painful and unhealthy marriage. Trust this mermaid friend, that you will feel more love and less fear in time. You will trust again. Your first photo was me on Friday. I was feeling like lunchmeat squished between two slices of bread. On the one side is my aging father and all that encompasses that. On the other my teenager son who I picked up early from school with an injury from gym class and battered more emotionally from bullies throughout the week. I am strong for so many, I have to be, this is where I am yet I grow weary at times and want someone here to be strong for me. Someone I can lean on just a bit, not enough to push over, just to be held, to witness the details. The winds were gusty on Friday which was just what I needed seeing that I was too far from the ocean to wash away my tension. I let the wind sweep clean the mucky feelings and re-energize me. I picked myself up and went out to a couple of art receptions and met some interesting people, visited with friends, and made new connections. You never know when things will change, just like the wind. In the meantime, the only thing we can do is to take super duper good care of ourselves. Get lost of rest, eat healthy foods, pamper ourselves and in time, I truly believe we will find ourselves in those healthy relationships and we will be ready for we are healthy going into it. Love to you and I'm sending you the sweetest soul hugs. Ryn
ReplyDeleteHugs from me xox
ReplyDeleteI'm sending big hugs and understanding your way.
ReplyDeleteI have stood in your shoes and I know your pain.
I'm hoping tomorrow brings new horizons and sunshine.
hugs
sissie
Hello sweet mermaid. I love this, this is what you feel, honest and sincere. I have not walked in your shoes but have walked along with ones that have lost love and I can tell you that they have come out loving once again, with time. I will, we will, walk with you and be here to hear you cry, laugh, smile, be angry or whatever you may feel for you are a beautiful mermaid inside and out....lean on me, lean on us.
ReplyDeleteMany, many seaside and sandy hugs to you my friend!!!
Hello lady! Profound thoughts and fears that we all feel but won't talk about.
ReplyDeleteSending sunshine your way!
All I can do is say I love you just the way you are and you are never truly alone. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteOne of the really lovely things about the blogging community is the way we can really and truly support each other. So here's me reaching out to give you a big hug. *squeeze* I'm so sorry for all the sadness that you're feeling.
ReplyDeleteOn a slightly brighter note, if it doesn't sound to desperately insensitve, I really have enjoyed looking around your blog. I'm your new follower.
Sarahx
An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception. Harold Loukes
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the divine life Baby. Keep loving. It is never wasted.
writergirl
Mermaids are survivors.
ReplyDeleteSarah couldn't be more right about "our blogger community". It's my strength when I need it.
Hugs to you.
Michelle
You truly put so many thoughts here in such a wonderfully talented way!
ReplyDeleteThis although sad, is truly so beautifully done.
Thank you for your visit.
It is how I found you here, and I am so glad I did!